Music's Stalkers, Stans and Fans Part I

Baby Reindeer raises some scary questions

Inside This Issue

• Music’s Stalkers, Stans and Fans

• Eat Cake!

• Magic For Your Mind

Herizon Music features women in music and the issues that affect them and their fans. Media coverage creates opportunity for music professionals on stage, on air, and behind the scenes. Traditionally, women enjoy less mass media coverage than their male counterparts. So thank you for subscribing to Herizon Music and celebrating all the female talent out there. Our current goal is to reach 1,000 subscribers— we’re 225 subs away! You can subscribe for free or be a patron for a low monthly fee and help keep the newsletter and podcast going. Gratefully yours!
— Thea Wood 🎶

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Music's Stalkers, Stans and Fans Part 1

The Netflix mini series Baby Reindeer is based on the true story of comedian Richard Gadd’s four-year struggle to stop a middle-aged female stalker named Martha. **Spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen the show.**

People Magazine published a quick but detailed summary of the show, including the facts that Gadd (character name Donny Dunn) received 41,071 emails, 350 hours of voicemail, 744 tweets, 46 Facebook messages and 106 pages of letters from Martha. She also showed up at his day job, gigs, and eventually his home.

In the show, Martha ends up going to prison for nine months with a five-year restraining order. In real life, Gadd doesn’t say whether or not Martha was jailed, only that the matter was settled and the stalking stopped.

Self-proclaimed cyber sleuths tracked down an attorney named Fiona Harvey who confirmed that she is the real-life Martha. Internet users then trolled her and sent "death threats," according to the Daily Mail. Ironically, they are now guilty of stalking!

Baby Reindeer comes on the heels of fictional Netflix series You about a man who stalks, then stealthily inserts himself into the lives of women whom he eventually kills. Baby Reindeer also includes graphic rape scenes that touch on a whole other dark side of the entertainment business. Trigger warnings everywhere.

This topic is multi-faceted and required a lot of research. So, I’m breaking it down into two parts so we can all better wrap our heads around the phenomenon. If you or someone you know is being stalked or sexually assaulted, please get help immediately.

Victim Connect: 1-855-4VICTIM(1-855-484-2846)

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224 En Español

The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Scary Question 1: “What are the chances that I could have a stalker?”

Before we get to public figures’ troubles with stalking, let’s look at everyday people stats. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, this is a snapshot of reported stalking in the U.S. in 2019:

• Females were stalked more than twice as often as males.

• About 1.3% (3.4 million) of all persons age 16 or older were victims of stalking.

• The percentage of persons who experienced stalking declined from 1.5% in 2016 to 1.3% in 2019.

• Less than a third of all stalking victims reported the victimization to police.

• An estimated 67% of victims of both traditional stalking and stalking with technology were fearful of being killed or physically harmed.

• From 2016 to 2019, reporting to police declined among traditional stalking victims (from 39% to 30%) but increased among stalking with technology victims

  (from 16% to 23%).

• About 67% of victims of stalking knew their stalker in some capacity

• The NIH reports that 80% of stalkers are men.

Those are stats for everyday Jacks and Jills. What about musicians as public figures, their relationships with fans, and when does it reach scary crazyville? After all, part of an artist’s marketing strategy is to build relationships (or at least perceived relationships) with strangers.

Scary Q2: “What differentiates a fan from a stan from a stalker?”

First, let’s review degrees of fandom from the benign to the dangerous.

FAN: There are two definitions from Merriam-Webster: 1. an enthusiastic devotee (as of a sport or a performing art) usually as a spectator. 2. an ardent admirer or enthusiast (as of a celebrity or a pursuit). It comes from the Modern Latin fanaticus, meaning "insanely but divinely inspired" and became mainstream thanks to sports.

If you follow bands on the road, buy merchandise and backstage passes, and have the band on heavy rotation in your playlist, this is you.

A groupie may go from a fan to a stan with additional characteristics: an admirer of a celebrity who attends as many of his or her public appearances as possible in hopes of meeting the celebrity. Pop culture tends to associate it with women who want to have a romantic/physical relationship with said celebrity; but a groupie can be male or female and doesn’t necessarily include a goal of a sexual nature. One stalker study found that 25% of fans desired to be a celeb’s romantic partner.

STAN: Thank the Eminem/Dido song “Stan” for this word that was added to the dictionary in 2024. It is a contraction of stalker + fan. Forbes breaks it down: As a noun, stan refers to "an extremely or excessively enthusiastic and devoted fan." As a verb, on the other hand, it means "to exhibit fandom to an exteme or excessive degree: to be an extremely devoted and enthusiastic fan of someone or something." The song depicts a fan named Stan whose unrequitted friendship from Eminem leads him to make (and document) destructive life decisions that end violently.

This is considered a parasocial relationship: one-sided relationships where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence. This sums up a stan pretty well.

A stan can be harmless but can easily cross over to stalker mode. Recently, fan groups treat the term as a badge of honor— harrassing or exiling those whom they see as insulting or critical of their celebrity obsession. One study showed that the more stans congregate, the more accepting they are of harrassment and violent behavior. Monia Ali shares her own exile story in this interview with Chris Dalla Riva.

When it comes to stans (self-proclaimed or not), beware!

STALKER: Merriam-Webster definition: a person who pursues someone obsessively and aggressively to the point of harassment. This is where we enter Martha territory. At what point has someone crossed the line into criminal activity?
PsychCentral.com gives detailed descriptions of these 5 warning signs:

• Persistant, unwanted contact

• Inappropriate fixation or obsession

• Surveillance and monitoring

• Aggressive or intrusive behavior

• Unwanted gifts or messages.

Every state has stalking laws, but when the stalking crosses state lines, occurs within U.S. territories or maritime jurisdictions, or utilizes U.S. mail or electronic communications at an interstate level, stalking can be charged as a federal crime.

If you want to dive into the science of it, there are multiple stalking scales that researchers use to determine a celebrity fan’s level of devotion beyond “normal” fan activities. Stalker subtypes (see full descriptions) include:

Rejected Stalker
Predatory Stalker
Incompetent Suitor
Resentful Stalker
Intimacy Seeker

Scary Books About Stalkers

Please use these links to purchase a book so Herizon Music can earn a commission from Amazon.

You by Caroline Kepnes (turned into the Netflix show of the same name)

Valentine by Tom Savage

Stalker by Lars Kepler 

Misery by Steven King

Celebrity Stalkers: The unfortunate price of fame by Stan Sauerwein

Obsession: Stalking Celebrities by David Harvey

Part II - Music’s Stalkers, Stans and Fans

Stay tuned for true stories of musicians and their stalkers, stalking myths, and how public figures can protect themselves. Meanwhile, share your thoughts or personal stories on fandom gone wrong or right.

Eat Cake!

Sister Alicia Dara interviewed me for Womancake Magazine, and we covered a LOT of territory about the state of women in music. If you don’t subscribe, she offers a free, 7-day trial!

Thea’s Magic Mind Story

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Thanks for making it all the way to the end. It’s a wrap!

Thea 🎶